He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
