I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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