grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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