I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
