Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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