I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
