i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
