thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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