Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You can't motorboat a personality
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
