Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
