Having a random hookup so left but love u
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
