google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
