maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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