I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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