apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
