sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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