I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
