To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
