Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I party with great urgency now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
