I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
