You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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