What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
