Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
