Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize