He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
