This is not my ceiling
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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