He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
