Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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