I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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