I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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