I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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