I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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