I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
