im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
