I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
