The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
