Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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