mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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