I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
