i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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