So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
