I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
