Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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