We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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