When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
