my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
