does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
