2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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