My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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