If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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