I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
