I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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