You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
