finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
