I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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