I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
