hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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