he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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