just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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