Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
