He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
