i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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