im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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