ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
