just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
