I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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