So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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