he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
