I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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