ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
