also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
