living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
zippers are such a cool invention
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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