Farmville is her only friend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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