I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
