I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you would pick up someone in the library
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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