I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
