am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
