she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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