Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
