Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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