On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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