Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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