and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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