Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
